Friday, November 30, 2012

Learning through Living

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes.

*Pausing for effectiveness.* You can all wipe the look of shock off of your faces. The cat is out of the bag. I'm not perfect. Apologies go out to all of you that looked to me for the image of perfection to guide your lives, you will now have to look elsewhere. (Please appreciate the sarcasm found in the previous sentences of this paragraph.)

This doesn't always work out for someone who likes to be right. I know I like to be right. Until I'm wrong. I'm working on in progress, remember? Also working trying not to attempt to correct people all of the time. I'm trying people...

Sometimes living is hard. Do you ever find yourself wondering if you're choosing the right choices? Am I making the right decisions? Should I be doing something different? If I were a spectator looking in on my life, what would I tell myself? Would I want to hear it?

But I'm just trying to figure things out. I'm trying to do the best I can. Sometimes the right decision isn't the easy choice. I feel like the thoughts in my head are more confusing than the lack of train of thought that this blog post contains...or doesn't contain...

Sometimes you have to live it to learn it. What would happen if the toddler who was learning to walk never got back up after that first time they fell? Sometimes I feel like a toddler in my adult life just trying to learn how to walk. Not even walk without looking like a fool...I know myself, there are too many doorways to run into and sharp objects to break skin. I'm just trying to walk an adult life without totally falling on my ass every two minutes. It's hard when it feels like everyone else around me has their adult life "together." Married, kids, house, dog, job they love, etc. Sometimes it's hard to remember amidst the facebook "I love my husband/wife so much" or the "my life is so awesome" or the "I never knew love until I...(please insert engaged, got married, had a baby, etc.) posts that just because my adult life is different, it doesn't mean I'm any less put together. It doesn't mean that the love I have in my life in any less significant than the different types of love that other people have in their just means it's different.

But as I was saying...I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But those things we label as mistakes? Those are the things that challenge us as individuals and stretch and grow as people. I had a bit of a meltdown last night. Sometimes the picture in our head of what life should look like gets in the way of what our life actually does look life. Sometimes it's easier to see the things we don't have in our lives and completely miss what we do have in our lives. The only things that are apparent are the "missing" objects instead of what's right in front of us.

Last night I let what I felt was missing cloud what I have right in front of me. I think sometimes the fear or threat of losing someone/something pushes the little overemotional button in all of us, and thoughts and feeling that we normally have in check and complete control over, all decide to go their own way...all at the same time. YIKES. Danger! Run away, run away! =) I need to stop looking at what I don't have, and start to look at what I do have.

I have:
-  a loving family who are incredibly supportive and have stood by me through some pretty rough patches.
- a loving extended family full of aunts and uncles and cousins that are like second families.
- girlfriends to get breakfast with, or give that little extra nudge when you need it to get those new shoes and love to dance.
- a job that is very stable and no way in jeopardy.
- my own place to get as messy and do as much cooking and cleaning as I want that is only two 1/2 miles from Miller Park.
- a reliable car to get my from point A to point B.
- a best friend who puts up with my crazy meltdowns, will sit down and watch football or baseball with me, is enough of a friend to call me out when I need to be called out, and would honestly do just about anything I needed.

So while I'm figuring this whole "life" thing out...I have a lot of really good things going on in my life already. Life is too short. I need to keep my focus on being grateful for the here and now...not what's could be.

One last quick note before I fall asleep with my laptop in my lap...

I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read yesterday's post. There were over 200 unique visitors, many of whom were first time visitors and I'm very honored that so many people took the time out of their crazy days to read some of my crazy thoughts. Y'all know how to make a girl feel special.

Ok kids, I'm having to retype almost every word because I'm totally falling asleep. One last word though? Skyfall was an awesome movie. Go see it if you get the chance.

Night kids. Live, laugh, love...

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