Now, one might thing that this would be the ideal scenario. A girl with a whole bunch of guy friends. But when they guys see you as one of the guys...not so much the ideal situation to be in. And if I'm being honest (and what good would a blog be if I wasn't), I think my idea of guys was rather skewed. To me, guys were the ones you could sit and talk sports with and joke around with. Whenever a guy would point out the attractiveness of a girl, he'd apologize. To which I'd follow up with, "Nah, don't worry. I hang around guys all the time...I'm used to it."Completely giving them permission to totally treat me like another one of the guys. Call me naive, but I didn't see guys as people who actually had feelings beyond scratching, burping,and talking about chicks. And might want to talk about more than just those things with someone. At least I didn't view the guys I was actually interested in this way. It was much more none-threatening to view them in this way...than as people with lots of different dimensions. With my really good guy friends it made more sense. I was the friend a guy could talk sports with, but he could also get a listening ear and a girl's opinion, without every worrying about any romantic inclinations. Best of both worlds, right? Except for the fact I felt like 1) A large number of girlfriends weren't my biggest fans, 2) I felt like I was always viewed as "the friend."
I look at my lil sister just starting college and I think about how much I've learned, grown, and changed since I was 18. Oh my goodness. First of all...totally outgrown the whole tomboy phase. I wear dresses almost everyday to work. (It's like not wearing pants! Who wants to wear pants if they don't have to?) It's rare that you don't see me without my makeup on. I like to think I'm no longer overbearing and sometimes scary (You know who you are! {Don't worry, we became very good friends.}). Many of the friendships that were formed in college have aged and changed. I actually work really hard at grad school, as opposed to my at times lackluster attempt at homework in undergrad. I've grown to appreciate my family in many new ways, as well as my relationships with it's various members. I try and work situations out in person, rather than over Facebook, Twitter, email, text message, or even a phone call. Real life, face to face, eyes in front of you is always best and more honest, even if at times more difficult. I've definitely realized who, what, and where my center is. I try to be a better friend today than I was yesterday. I've learned that doing the things you love will make life much more pleasant in the long run. I've learned how important it is to be physically active and to continually maintain that. I've learned how important it is sometimes to take a step back from the rest of your life and concentrate on you and being the best person you can, and in turn for the people around you (even if it's only for two minutes).
But in many ways I'm still the same. I still love sitting with the boys at the bar discussing the baseball standings breakdown and the current state of the Brewers, or last weekend's Badger football game, or how I think the Packers will match up to this week's opponent. And don't ever try to play me in touch football...I will still try and tackle you and (try very hard not to) be a bad loser. And though not very lady-like, I can still belch almost anyone under a table or pick them up and carry them across the room if I need to.
But there is a girly side to me too. I finally understand that as strong and manly as guys are, part of them wants someone that they actually can be vulnerable with...and be honest with. And I like to think that I'm learning how to be that person. Part of me is still the girl that wants the guy to see her...to think she's pretty...to want to talk to her. I'm still the hopeful romantic that wants the boy to send her flowers just because. I like being woo'ed. I like going out for drinks and meeting your friends and having a good time. But honestly? The times I love the most are when it's just the two of us being completely ridiculous and doing ridiculous things because it's when we're the most ourselves. Because when it comes down to it, I want someone to love me for being me.
So I guess what I'm saying tonight... is that I'm still learning and growing. About people, about relationships, about myself. I'm a work in progress. And I'm perfectly ok with that, as long as I'm growing forward with only a few minor steps back. God puts you where he needs you to be, when he needs you to be there. And right now...I'm right where I need to be. And I am thankful for that, even if sometimes it's difficult and challenging and I might not totally understand it. And I'm so thankful for the friends that I have in my life that let me lean on them when I'm not strong enough to do it myself. And I'm thankful that I have friends that are able to trust me enough to come to me for support because there are few things I love more than being able to be there for the people I love. And people, not things, are what truly matter.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, look for tomorrow.
And as to not end on a totally heavy note...enjoy this someecard. Story of my life! =)
No comments:
Post a Comment