Bonus post for Day 16

I know I've stumbled upon this story before, but I think it's worth sharing with anyone who's reading...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.


--author unknown

Day 15...random musings..really random...

Well, some days the blog has been less than stellar, but I've made it two weeks so far. I did a pretty lame job at blogging this weekend, but only because I was too busy trying to cram as much into 2 1/2 days as possible. (I could Friday as a half day...any day that lasts until almost 2am gets it's own halfday in my book.) And what a great 2 1/2 days it was. One of the highlights of my weekend might have been buying new pillows. I’d been having some back problems that had landed me at the chiropractor and one of her suggestions was to go down to one pillow instead of multiples. I didn’t really have a GOOD pillow, so when I saw that they were on sale at Kohl’s this weekend, I jumped! After a full nights’ sleep, I’m happy to report I LOVE them. Now…onto my random lunch hour musings…

I’ve always been interested in people. How they act, and how they react…and then based on those outcomes how it affects their lives. I believe that everything happens for a reason (Big Guy upstairs in control, allowing different things to come into our lives), so how have all of those events affected us? All of the events in our life up to this very moment have shaped us into who we are right now. The fights, the heartaches, the disappointments, the choices, the laughter, the tears, the successes, the failures…they make us into the person that we are today. Have we learned from them? Have we moved forward? Or have we allowed them to hold us back? It reminds me of one of my favorite songs from Wicked, “For Good.” I loved the double entendre of the lyrics.

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return. Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So let me say before we part, so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have re-written mine be being my friend. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

This reminds me of a conversation that I had with one of my friends in college. We were talking about our close knit friend circle and how I couldn't ever imagine not being friends with them. He told me about his sisters and how far away they moved from everyone, including their friends from college. I remember saying how sad it would be to lose all of the friendships. And then he told me something that has stuck with me ever since. He said (paraphrased), “Andrea, wherever you are is where your friends will be.” Maybe it doesn’t seem like an earthshattering revelation to you, but looking back on my life…truer words could not have been said. Where you are in your life at any particular moment is where your friends are. Relationships grow and change. Some friendships evolve and move through life with you…and some don’t. Some friends you might not see for a long time, but when you do it as like a moment had never passed. And some relationships are wonderful gems in your past that have truly changed you for good.

One of my favorite things to do is just sit and people watch. Maybe that seems kind of creepy/stalkerish, but I find it so interesting how people act and interact. I’m always wondering what their backstory is…why are they where they are? How did they get to this very point in their life? Where did the wrinkles come from? Why the bandaid on the finger? Where are they going after this? When I see two people out to dinner, I start to write their story. Friends or lovers? Is this their first date or have they been together for years? Is the silence awkward or comfortable? Why did they come here tonight?

As I was sitting at Starbucks with some good friends last Saturday morning we started watching all of the different people picking up their Saturday morning caffeine fix. The two girls that came in who were clearly wearing last night’s outfit and makeup. The little girl that poked her finger into the whipped cream top of her drink who came in with her dad to visit her mom, the barista. The Liza Minnelli lookalike. The young man who stood with tears in his eyes waiting for his drink. The old man who after getting his drink sat down behind us to listen to our stories for a bit. The college student with the backpack and books and computer who spent more time on Facebook than doing her homework. The field hockey players. All different people…with different stories.

I love stopping someone with a smile. And saying thank you. And actually meaning it. And understanding the difference. I love the random conversation in the grocery store. I love giving random compliments to strangers. Raspberries on baby bellies. (Why is it that they smell so good?? Well…most of the time.) Next time you’re running your errands and you thank the bank teller for your change, actually look them in the eyes, tell them thank you, and mean it. When the waitress asks the obligatory, “How are you doing today?” ask them how their day is going, and truly mean it. I almost always get an answer beyond “fine, thanks.”

It is amazing to me how human touch can affect an individual. Imagine a day where you didn’t touch anyone. No one sleeping next to you in bed. No one to kiss before work. No child to hug as you dropped them off at the babysitters. No coworker to high five. No friend’s hand to hold. No one to slap your butt as you make dinner in the kitchen. No one to hug when you start to cry over a bad day at work. No one to sit next to on the couch watching tv. No one to trip you on your way there. No one to smack on the arm after they trip you. No one to grab you and wrestle with you after you’ve smacked them. No one to help you with the bandaid when you slice your finger. No one to lean up against while watching the evening news. No chest to fall asleep on. No one to wrap their arms around you, hold your hand and protect you from the rest of the world. No one to kiss your forehead as you fall asleep. You start to think about how sad and depressing it would be. I know how much it means to me when I get a really good hug from a close friend. Or just someone to sit next to and lean my arm against. (Don’t think I’m a super touchy feely person, in fact I’m just the opposite. I don’t have a problem with those people that I love and care about. But if you’re a stranger…sorry, you’re probably just getting a handshake.) I think of those in solitary confinement and how mentally debilitating that would be. I read an article this last weekend on “5 Reasons to Make Time for Cuddling.” (Don’t make fun…I was actually researching for this blog!) Human touch affects us physically, mentally, and emotionally, and cuddling with someone fulfills us in all three aspects. I know I love a good cuddle…lucky for me, so does Mr. Frog. =)

I suppose that’s enough randomness for one day from this hopelessful romantic. I'll leave you with some wise words from the great Winnie the Pooh.

Day 8...or Day 1 of Week 2...Your daily dose of honesty...

When I was a little girl I always played with the boys at recess. Soccer, football, riding bikes, whatever it was...you could always find little Andrea with the boys. I've always had a competitive nature about myself. I was a tomboy pretty much into high school. Guys were always just easier. Less drama. If they got mad at each other, they're duke it out and then be done with it. Girls would get mad, tell other girls, the other girls would get mad, stories would get blown out of proportion, and drama would ensue. Now don't get me wrong, I had my share of girlfriends too...but especially into college I was always drawn to be friends with guys.

Now, one might thing that this would be the ideal scenario. A girl with a whole bunch of guy friends. But when they guys see you as one of the guys...not so much the ideal situation to be in. And if I'm being honest (and what good would a blog be if I wasn't), I think my idea of guys was rather skewed. To me, guys were the ones you could sit and talk sports with and joke around with. Whenever a guy would point out the attractiveness of a girl, he'd apologize. To which I'd follow up with, "Nah, don't worry. I hang around guys all the time...I'm used to it."Completely giving them permission to totally treat me like another one of the guys. Call me naive, but I didn't see guys as people who actually had feelings beyond scratching, burping,and talking about chicks. And might want to talk about more than just those things with someone. At least I didn't view the guys I was actually interested in this way. It was much more none-threatening to view them in this way...than as people with lots of different dimensions. With my really good guy friends it made more sense. I was the friend a guy could talk sports with, but he could also get a listening ear and a girl's opinion, without every worrying about any romantic inclinations. Best of both worlds, right? Except for the fact I felt like 1) A large number of girlfriends weren't my biggest fans, 2) I felt like I was always viewed as "the friend."

I look at my lil sister just starting college and I think about how much I've learned, grown, and changed since I was 18. Oh my goodness. First of all...totally outgrown the whole tomboy phase. I wear dresses almost everyday to work. (It's like not wearing pants! Who wants to wear pants if they don't have to?) It's rare that you don't see me without my makeup on. I like to think I'm no longer overbearing and sometimes scary (You know who you are! {Don't worry, we became very good friends.}). Many of the friendships that were formed in college have aged and changed. I actually work really hard at grad school, as opposed to my at times lackluster attempt at homework in undergrad. I've grown to appreciate my family in many new ways, as well as my relationships with it's various members. I try and work situations out in person, rather than over Facebook, Twitter, email, text message, or even a phone call. Real life, face to face, eyes in front of you is always best and more honest, even if at times more difficult. I've definitely realized who, what, and where my center is. I try to be a better friend today than I was yesterday. I've learned that doing the things you love will make life much more pleasant in the long run. I've learned how important it is to be physically active and to continually maintain that. I've learned how important it is sometimes to take a step back from the rest of your life and concentrate on you and being the best person you can, and in turn for the people around you (even if it's only for two minutes).

But in many ways I'm still the same. I still love sitting with the boys at the bar discussing the baseball standings breakdown and the current state of the Brewers, or last weekend's Badger football game, or how I think the Packers will match up to this week's opponent. And don't ever try to play me in touch football...I will still try and tackle you and (try very hard not to) be a bad loser. And though not very lady-like, I can still belch almost anyone under a table or pick them up and carry them across the room if I need to. 

But there is a girly side to me too. I finally understand that as strong and manly as guys are, part of them wants someone that they actually can be vulnerable with...and be honest with. And I like to think that I'm learning how to be that person. Part of me is still the girl that wants the guy to see her...to think she's pretty...to want to talk to her. I'm still the hopeful romantic that wants the boy to send her flowers just because. I like being woo'ed. I like going out for drinks and meeting your friends and having a good time. But honestly? The times I love the most are when it's just the two of us being completely ridiculous and doing ridiculous things because it's when we're the most ourselves. Because when it comes down to it, I want someone to love me for being me.

So I guess what I'm saying tonight... is that I'm still learning and growing. About people, about relationships, about myself. I'm a work in progress. And I'm perfectly ok with that, as long as I'm growing forward with only a few minor steps back. God puts you where he needs you to be, when he needs you to be there. And right now...I'm right where I need to be. And I am thankful for that, even if sometimes it's difficult and challenging and I might not totally understand it. And I'm so thankful for the friends that I have in my life that let me lean on them when I'm not strong enough to do it myself. And I'm thankful that I have friends that are able to trust me enough to come to me for support because there are few things I love more than being able to be there for the people I love. And people, not things, are what truly matter.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, look for tomorrow.

And as to not end on a totally heavy note...enjoy this someecard. Story of my life! =)

Day 5 Write to get it out

Whenever my friends come to me for advice about any sort of decision they make, I always have one reaction: Write it down. This is usually followed by 5-10 more minutes of them verbally working through the topic that's dancing around in their head before I repeat it one more time. Write it down. If you can get it out of your head and start to visually sort through what's on your mind, you no longer have to try and jungle all of the thoughts in your mind. (This is the same reason I like to make lists...as soon as it's on the list it is out of my head.)

Sometimes it's hard to follow our own advice. Solutions seem crystal clear when they're someone else's problems. As soon as we're left to our own devices things that are crystal clear become clear as mud. Because now emotions are involved, which end up clouding our judgement and decision making process. I can't tell you how many times I've looked at a situation that I'm involved in and thought, "Jeez Andrea, this isn't a hard decision. Just (insert the easy logical clear cut solution here)." Except then the emotions sit there and play devil's advocate. "But Andrea, (insert emotionally clouded judgment here) makes a huge difference."

Now as someone who is fairly artistic/musical and fairly in tune with her emotions (melodramatic only when necessary) I constantly run a balance of using my head and using my heart. The ultimate romantic in me sometimes will force me to lead with my heart, but I’ve never met anyone who died from loving too much, so as long as I can still keep it fairly in check I figure I’m not causing any serious permanent damage. So…not totally unfamiliar territory for me, but it usually doesn’t ever help the decision making process.

So now here I sit. Not that I have a huge, epic decision to make or anything, but more so that I feel like I’m all over the emotional map. Which is exhausting. But it’s time to listen to my own advice. Write it down.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to splash ALL of my thoughts all over for the world read. (*See yesterday’s blog post about the world of overshare.) That’s a date for me and my notebook tonight after the Ingrid Michaelson concert. But I will say this…

God puts you where he needs you to be, when he needs you to be there. Consequently, the people are in your life are in your life because they’re supposed to be there. So whatever happens in your life happens is happening for a reason. So today, I’m thankful for everyone in my life. Whatever role you play…if you’re my Twitter friend, if you’re my lovebucket friend, if you’re my family friend, if you’re my Facebook friend, if you’re my work friend, if you’re a friend of a friend, if you’re my best friend…I’m thankful that you’re in my life and making me who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow.

That’s enough for today. Tomorrow we’ll try and keep it lighter. =)

Live, laugh, love,

Andrea

Coffee and Doughnuts...Day 4

Anyone who has spent any amount of time around me in the morning knows that I enjoy a good cup of coffee. Whether it be after a late night out with friends, $1 coffee morning at Blue's Egg, or just necessary to function, there's little I enjoy more in the morning (especially a Saturday morning) than a hot cup of coffee and a tasty bakery treat. It's my version of comfort food.

Today I went to Rocket Baby Bakery for Anodyne Coffee and Cranky Al's for a crueller. A two stop morning...fun night, but a rough morning. 

It's hard to know...how much do you put up on a blog? How much do you share with the world? I read an article earlier this year that suggested that people are oversharing online. I couldn't find the exact article, but a quick Google search will produce plenty of articles supporting this statement. The article that I read suggested that because of our constant desire to immediately share information on social media, that the important events in our lives are becoming desensitized. Every time you share an experience with someone, the original feelings you had in that moment aren't quite as special and the memory of the original event is desensitized. It encouraged people to hold onto some of those experiences and cherish them personally before sharing them with the rest of the world.

I'm a person that is fairly open with my life. You have a question? Ask! If I don't want to answer, I'll tell you. Otherwise, it's pretty much what you see it what you get with me. But I'm also a person that is driven nuts by the overshares on Facebook. I don't mean to offend anyone with this next statement, but the amount of information about birthing and nursing and child raising shared on Facebook by people my age is ghastly. Now the response I usually get is "Well, if you don't like it, don't read it or block my status updates. This is what's going on in my life and I want to talk about it." My response is...doesn't that defeat the purpose of a social network? In my mind, I don't need to see pictures of you or your child immediately after birth (like...immediately. I don’t car once the baby is cleaned off, but if you want to show me the icky pictures…do it in person) or hear about your milk production or problems you're having with it, and I'm really happy that your child is being potty trained because it is a skill that will serve him/her the rest of their life, but I don't really need to see a picture of it while enjoying my coffee and crueller.  Is it important for people to have an outlet to discuss these things and ask questions? Absolutely. But what happened to people picking up the telephone and actually talking to someone? Where has our sense of modesty and privacy gone? How much is too much?

So now that I've ranted about all these other people and the oversharing of their lives...am I about to commit the same crime? Is it ok to talk about relationships but not pooping? I don't know. But here goes...

Yesterday I wrote about things Lost and Found. I've been thinking a lot about losing things in the last couple of weeks. Usually we're upset when we lose something because it has some sort of value to it... functionality, monetary, sentimental/emotional. Lost keys? Lost functionality. Lost wallet? Lost money. But these are things. Things can be replaced. It's not always easy and is often times very frustrating, but things in our life can be replaced. However, when it comes to people it's not quite as simple.

I read one of my friend's blogs yesterday about how her life was changing. She’s in her fifth year of college so it’s that time where most of her close friends have graduated and they are entering another chapter in their lives. Life is changing. You don’t have all your friends around you all the time. It’s work to maintain relationships as lives evolve and take different directions. Some people you might not ever see again. Some people get married. Some people start careers that become their lives. Some people have kids. Some people move far away. And all of a sudden these people that you were once close with and shared everything with become acquaintances whose lives you learn about on a Facebook newsfeed or Twitter update. And there’s nothing wrong with that…and in fact it’s perfectly normal. But that part of your life is over. It’s a feeling of loss because that situation and those experiences won’t ever be able to be recreated.

I struggled with this after college too. Let’s be real, this is still something I think about. I miss the days of going to the Bakerei on Fridays after music class with Schlicht, Josh, and Jon…or sitting and watching hours of Friends or Sex and the City with April…or going to Target and not really needing anything…or middle of the night trips to Perkins in Mankato. I still enjoy doing all of those things, but it’s different. And not a bad different…a good different. I have a whole different set of wonderful people in my life (and some of the oldies but goodies =) and a whole pile of new and different experiences. Brewers games, Badger games, Packers games (in my living room) patio nights, St. Louis road trips, Civil Wars concerts, babysitting, wine nights, Bachelor Mondays, triathlons and races, breakfasts at Blue’s, late night scrambled eggs and singing marathons, more laughter, more love, and more people who care about me and are concerned about me than I could ever have imagined or deserved.

Sometime people come into our lives in the most unexpected ways. One of my cousins and I have become so close over weekly watching trashy tv together (and lots of other fun things too). I consider some of my coworkers my good friends outside of work and their kids are my pseudo nieces and nephews. I’m friends with someone that was my flight attendant on one of my business trips from last March. A former student of mine has been there through almost everything I’ve gone through the last five years and is my lovebucket. I went to get a birthday drink last January and found someone who has become one of my best friends and I can’t imagine my life without. There are so many amazing people I’ve become friends with through other friends of mine. I’m more blessed by the people in my life than I could ever deserve. It’s funny that when I started writing this blog post, I was mentally going someplace different…but I ended up here. Feeling so blessed. Kinda how life goes sometimes. So the I guess the best way to sum this all up is this:

Thank you. Thank you for being my friend. And I mean this with my whole heart…I love you.

Until tomorrow,

Andrea