...new year...new age...new blog

They say that if you can consistently complete a task for a whole month, you’ve created a habit for life. Clearly “they” have never met me. I managed to blog every day for the entire month of October and effectively fall off the face of the blogosphere for most of November and all of December. Now, twenty-two days into a new year, I’m attempting a revival. Time to get back into blogging and attempted entertainment. I can’t promise how often I’ll be able to jump on here or how entertaining it will be, but have no fear…an effort will be made.

So with a new year comes a host of resolutions from individuals around the world. Time magazine lists the top ten broken New Year’s resolutions as: lose weight and get fit, quit smoking, learning something new, eat healthier and diet, get out of debt and save money, spend more time with family, travel to new places, be less stressed, volunteer, and drink less. Now that we’ve 2/3 of the way through January and 2/3 of the people who made resolutions for 2013 have a success rate of far less than 66% (or 2/3 in fraction world…see what I did there? =) I figured it was time for my annual reflection on life. January is a double whammy for me…new year on the 1^st and another year older on the 12^th. Lots of opportunity for reflection. Yes, I know I’m only 29, but with each year older I get, the more reflective I get, and the more I realize how little I actually know.

A couple of years ago I started making New Year’s resolutions. After a few years of failed resolutions halfway through the year (ok, I lied…it was more like the end of January or February) I changed my thinking. Instead of resolutions that make you feel like a failure, I started making goals to work on throughout the year or longer if necessary. If you caught my goal progress report blog from last October, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

2012 goals were: No pop until May 5, run a half marathon, kiss someone who is worth it, give people the benefit of the doubt, get together with Amy once a month, don’t take things personally, let go of anger, use struggles/obstacles as positives and not negatives, look for the good/seek to understand/be gentle, go to a Packers game, write 3 pieces of music, see a Broadway show, read a book a month, write down my thoughts more often, electronic detox once a month, eat more fruit, finish 2012 without credit card debt, be a good listener, play more piano.

Looking back, that was quite an ambitious list of goals for myself. Some of the goals (see a Broadway show) I knocked out of the park. Others were modified (run a half marathon? I did a 5k, 8k, 15k, and triathlon but wasn’t able to get that half done. September 2013 will hopefully check that off my list). And others just didn’t happen this year (no Packers game for me…and those three piece of music are still floating in my head). But looking back over 2012 I can honestly say that even though I wasn’t able to “check off” all of my goals, I experience more new things and learned more about myself, relationships, men, and life in general than I ever anticipated.

Before the New Year started I was chatting with one of my good friends about what we wanted to change in the new year, our resolutions (or goals if you will). After quite the wild ride of a year (laughter, tears, adventure, discovery, change, etc.), I decided that I was going to simplify my goals for 2013 down to only one goal and two words:

I want to live a life where if someone asks me, “How are you?” I can reply with “I’m happy.” Well jeez Andrea, how do you just be happy? You can’t just press a button and have a life that you’re happy with. It’s not that easy. Correct as usual King Friday! (10 points to whoever can name the show that comes from…Your hint? I hear it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…) It’s a great opportunity to actually stop and think about what it is that makes you happy. Here’s what makes me happy:

 - Enjoying the little things.
 - Feeling confident about myself.
 - Having a job that doesn't feel like work.
 - Loving people.

Four things. I can keep four things in check on the happiness meter, right? It might be harder than you think. I’m finding that each one of those four things comes with lots of subcategories. But stay tuned! I’ll tell you all about them, and what I’m doing to maintain “be happy.” I can only imagine that I’m in for another roller-coaster of a ride. 2013 for the win…

This time last year...

One of the great things about writing a blog is that you're always thinking about your next topic. One of the more difficult things about writing a blog is finding time to sit down and actually write out the thoughts in your head. I came across a picture on Facebook today that had this quote on it, "This time, last year...everything was so different." And I started thinking...I know it was different, but what was exactly going on?

Thank you iCal for keeping track of my life when I can't.

November 19, 2011. I had just finished rehearsing and conducting the orchestra for Reformation. I was in the process of dating a guy who just randomly stopped calling and was about to start dating another who too, would also just randomly stop calling sometime in January. In honor of the royal wedding (and fancy hats in general) my friend and I decided to wear fancy hats to the company Christmas party. I was getting ready to go to a Badger game the following Saturday that I ended up going to with my brother and sister and FREEZING out butts off. I went to see the ever popular Lorie Line with my younger sister and experienced her Christmas extravaganza for the first time ever. I had recently agreed to run and train for a half marathon that my hip decided it didn't want to run. I was just two months shy of turning 28 and was desperately trying to put myself out there, convinced that if I did something positive would happen.

Ah, yes. If life only went according to plan.

November 19, 2012. 27 Brewers games. 2 Badger footballs games. Sending a friend to Hong Kong for a year. Meeting up with a friend from a lifetime ago (or just seven years). American Idol concert. Ingrid Michaelson concert. Two un-run half marathons. A completed 5k and 15k and triathlon. 2 new quilts made (thank you first ever quilt retreat). On and off Broadway musicals. Company Christmas party coming up. Concert in Chicago to look forward to. I'm just two months shy of turning 29...and I'm not even sure how to end this sentence. So...life, fairly the same...Andrea, fairly different.

28 has not been what I thought it would be. If I'm being honest, I'd say the majority of it has been quite the roller coaster. Several friendships have morphed and changed over the last 10 months. Some relationships have morphed and changed over the last 10 months. I have morphed and changed over the last 10 months.

I've probably learned more about myself in the last 10 months than I was expecting. Let me try that again. I wasn't expecting to learn what I learned in the last 10 months. And about life. And about relationships. And about people. And about love. And about friendship. Because the more I learn...the less I know.

So...what have I learned...I know...heavy question for 11pm...I'll have a bit of a go at it anyway.

- It's what you do after the mistake that matters. Move forward.

- People aren't perfect. And they make mistakes. Forgive.

- Some people require more patience than others. Be patient.

- Shopping can cure a multiple of ailments. Buy shoes.

- If at first you don't succeed, change your plan or you'll get the same results. Be persistent.
- Fighting with people you love is stupid. Apologize.
- Today's tv isn't as good as TGIF. Full House.
- There's a special bond between cousins. Cherish it.
- You can do anything you put you mind to. Forge ahead.
- A real man will buy your drink. Thank him.
- Things will happen when the time is right. Have faith.
- Pretty packages sometimes hide troubled insides. Be cautious.
- Just because something doesn't follow everyones else's rules doesn't make it wrong. Break rules.
- Ice cream will go straight to your hips. Frozen yogurt.
- Life doesn't always go as planned. Have flexibility.
- Life can't always be planned. Be spontaneous.
- Sometimes people will catch you off guard. Be surprised.
- I would rather try and fail then to always wonder. Go for it.
- You can always return it. Buy them (the shoes that is).
- You are right where you need to be at this very moment. Relax.
- It's better to be real than fake. Laugh loudly.
- Time isn't a guarantee. Love boldly. And without regret.

Bonus post for Day 16

I know I've stumbled upon this story before, but I think it's worth sharing with anyone who's reading...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.


--author unknown

Day 15...random musings..really random...

Well, some days the blog has been less than stellar, but I've made it two weeks so far. I did a pretty lame job at blogging this weekend, but only because I was too busy trying to cram as much into 2 1/2 days as possible. (I could Friday as a half day...any day that lasts until almost 2am gets it's own halfday in my book.) And what a great 2 1/2 days it was. One of the highlights of my weekend might have been buying new pillows. I’d been having some back problems that had landed me at the chiropractor and one of her suggestions was to go down to one pillow instead of multiples. I didn’t really have a GOOD pillow, so when I saw that they were on sale at Kohl’s this weekend, I jumped! After a full nights’ sleep, I’m happy to report I LOVE them. Now…onto my random lunch hour musings…

I’ve always been interested in people. How they act, and how they react…and then based on those outcomes how it affects their lives. I believe that everything happens for a reason (Big Guy upstairs in control, allowing different things to come into our lives), so how have all of those events affected us? All of the events in our life up to this very moment have shaped us into who we are right now. The fights, the heartaches, the disappointments, the choices, the laughter, the tears, the successes, the failures…they make us into the person that we are today. Have we learned from them? Have we moved forward? Or have we allowed them to hold us back? It reminds me of one of my favorite songs from Wicked, “For Good.” I loved the double entendre of the lyrics.

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return. Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So let me say before we part, so much of me is made from what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have re-written mine be being my friend. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.

This reminds me of a conversation that I had with one of my friends in college. We were talking about our close knit friend circle and how I couldn't ever imagine not being friends with them. He told me about his sisters and how far away they moved from everyone, including their friends from college. I remember saying how sad it would be to lose all of the friendships. And then he told me something that has stuck with me ever since. He said (paraphrased), “Andrea, wherever you are is where your friends will be.” Maybe it doesn’t seem like an earthshattering revelation to you, but looking back on my life…truer words could not have been said. Where you are in your life at any particular moment is where your friends are. Relationships grow and change. Some friendships evolve and move through life with you…and some don’t. Some friends you might not see for a long time, but when you do it as like a moment had never passed. And some relationships are wonderful gems in your past that have truly changed you for good.

One of my favorite things to do is just sit and people watch. Maybe that seems kind of creepy/stalkerish, but I find it so interesting how people act and interact. I’m always wondering what their backstory is…why are they where they are? How did they get to this very point in their life? Where did the wrinkles come from? Why the bandaid on the finger? Where are they going after this? When I see two people out to dinner, I start to write their story. Friends or lovers? Is this their first date or have they been together for years? Is the silence awkward or comfortable? Why did they come here tonight?

As I was sitting at Starbucks with some good friends last Saturday morning we started watching all of the different people picking up their Saturday morning caffeine fix. The two girls that came in who were clearly wearing last night’s outfit and makeup. The little girl that poked her finger into the whipped cream top of her drink who came in with her dad to visit her mom, the barista. The Liza Minnelli lookalike. The young man who stood with tears in his eyes waiting for his drink. The old man who after getting his drink sat down behind us to listen to our stories for a bit. The college student with the backpack and books and computer who spent more time on Facebook than doing her homework. The field hockey players. All different people…with different stories.

I love stopping someone with a smile. And saying thank you. And actually meaning it. And understanding the difference. I love the random conversation in the grocery store. I love giving random compliments to strangers. Raspberries on baby bellies. (Why is it that they smell so good?? Well…most of the time.) Next time you’re running your errands and you thank the bank teller for your change, actually look them in the eyes, tell them thank you, and mean it. When the waitress asks the obligatory, “How are you doing today?” ask them how their day is going, and truly mean it. I almost always get an answer beyond “fine, thanks.”

It is amazing to me how human touch can affect an individual. Imagine a day where you didn’t touch anyone. No one sleeping next to you in bed. No one to kiss before work. No child to hug as you dropped them off at the babysitters. No coworker to high five. No friend’s hand to hold. No one to slap your butt as you make dinner in the kitchen. No one to hug when you start to cry over a bad day at work. No one to sit next to on the couch watching tv. No one to trip you on your way there. No one to smack on the arm after they trip you. No one to grab you and wrestle with you after you’ve smacked them. No one to help you with the bandaid when you slice your finger. No one to lean up against while watching the evening news. No chest to fall asleep on. No one to wrap their arms around you, hold your hand and protect you from the rest of the world. No one to kiss your forehead as you fall asleep. You start to think about how sad and depressing it would be. I know how much it means to me when I get a really good hug from a close friend. Or just someone to sit next to and lean my arm against. (Don’t think I’m a super touchy feely person, in fact I’m just the opposite. I don’t have a problem with those people that I love and care about. But if you’re a stranger…sorry, you’re probably just getting a handshake.) I think of those in solitary confinement and how mentally debilitating that would be. I read an article this last weekend on “5 Reasons to Make Time for Cuddling.” (Don’t make fun…I was actually researching for this blog!) Human touch affects us physically, mentally, and emotionally, and cuddling with someone fulfills us in all three aspects. I know I love a good cuddle…lucky for me, so does Mr. Frog. =)

I suppose that’s enough randomness for one day from this hopelessful romantic. I'll leave you with some wise words from the great Winnie the Pooh.

Day 8...or Day 1 of Week 2...Your daily dose of honesty...

When I was a little girl I always played with the boys at recess. Soccer, football, riding bikes, whatever it was...you could always find little Andrea with the boys. I've always had a competitive nature about myself. I was a tomboy pretty much into high school. Guys were always just easier. Less drama. If they got mad at each other, they're duke it out and then be done with it. Girls would get mad, tell other girls, the other girls would get mad, stories would get blown out of proportion, and drama would ensue. Now don't get me wrong, I had my share of girlfriends too...but especially into college I was always drawn to be friends with guys.

Now, one might thing that this would be the ideal scenario. A girl with a whole bunch of guy friends. But when they guys see you as one of the guys...not so much the ideal situation to be in. And if I'm being honest (and what good would a blog be if I wasn't), I think my idea of guys was rather skewed. To me, guys were the ones you could sit and talk sports with and joke around with. Whenever a guy would point out the attractiveness of a girl, he'd apologize. To which I'd follow up with, "Nah, don't worry. I hang around guys all the time...I'm used to it."Completely giving them permission to totally treat me like another one of the guys. Call me naive, but I didn't see guys as people who actually had feelings beyond scratching, burping,and talking about chicks. And might want to talk about more than just those things with someone. At least I didn't view the guys I was actually interested in this way. It was much more none-threatening to view them in this way...than as people with lots of different dimensions. With my really good guy friends it made more sense. I was the friend a guy could talk sports with, but he could also get a listening ear and a girl's opinion, without every worrying about any romantic inclinations. Best of both worlds, right? Except for the fact I felt like 1) A large number of girlfriends weren't my biggest fans, 2) I felt like I was always viewed as "the friend."

I look at my lil sister just starting college and I think about how much I've learned, grown, and changed since I was 18. Oh my goodness. First of all...totally outgrown the whole tomboy phase. I wear dresses almost everyday to work. (It's like not wearing pants! Who wants to wear pants if they don't have to?) It's rare that you don't see me without my makeup on. I like to think I'm no longer overbearing and sometimes scary (You know who you are! {Don't worry, we became very good friends.}). Many of the friendships that were formed in college have aged and changed. I actually work really hard at grad school, as opposed to my at times lackluster attempt at homework in undergrad. I've grown to appreciate my family in many new ways, as well as my relationships with it's various members. I try and work situations out in person, rather than over Facebook, Twitter, email, text message, or even a phone call. Real life, face to face, eyes in front of you is always best and more honest, even if at times more difficult. I've definitely realized who, what, and where my center is. I try to be a better friend today than I was yesterday. I've learned that doing the things you love will make life much more pleasant in the long run. I've learned how important it is to be physically active and to continually maintain that. I've learned how important it is sometimes to take a step back from the rest of your life and concentrate on you and being the best person you can, and in turn for the people around you (even if it's only for two minutes).

But in many ways I'm still the same. I still love sitting with the boys at the bar discussing the baseball standings breakdown and the current state of the Brewers, or last weekend's Badger football game, or how I think the Packers will match up to this week's opponent. And don't ever try to play me in touch football...I will still try and tackle you and (try very hard not to) be a bad loser. And though not very lady-like, I can still belch almost anyone under a table or pick them up and carry them across the room if I need to. 

But there is a girly side to me too. I finally understand that as strong and manly as guys are, part of them wants someone that they actually can be vulnerable with...and be honest with. And I like to think that I'm learning how to be that person. Part of me is still the girl that wants the guy to see her...to think she's pretty...to want to talk to her. I'm still the hopeful romantic that wants the boy to send her flowers just because. I like being woo'ed. I like going out for drinks and meeting your friends and having a good time. But honestly? The times I love the most are when it's just the two of us being completely ridiculous and doing ridiculous things because it's when we're the most ourselves. Because when it comes down to it, I want someone to love me for being me.

So I guess what I'm saying tonight... is that I'm still learning and growing. About people, about relationships, about myself. I'm a work in progress. And I'm perfectly ok with that, as long as I'm growing forward with only a few minor steps back. God puts you where he needs you to be, when he needs you to be there. And right now...I'm right where I need to be. And I am thankful for that, even if sometimes it's difficult and challenging and I might not totally understand it. And I'm so thankful for the friends that I have in my life that let me lean on them when I'm not strong enough to do it myself. And I'm thankful that I have friends that are able to trust me enough to come to me for support because there are few things I love more than being able to be there for the people I love. And people, not things, are what truly matter.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, look for tomorrow.

And as to not end on a totally heavy note...enjoy this someecard. Story of my life! =)